Last night something funny happened that only you would understand and without thinking I picked up my phone to share the moment with you and laugh about it, I started to type out the text and realized…I can’t, shouldn’t…I won’t. We are over. We are no more. “We” just simply doesn’t exist.
Put down the phone and realized this never gets easier. As a matter of fact I believe it actually gets a little harder each time. You no longer deserve my time, my thoughts, my smiles, my anything. Yet, it’s still you that pops into my head. Give it time, I know, those are the exact words I have told countless friends, but even I am aware it’s always easier said than done. Time to take my own advice. Time to see exactly how strong I am.
Who knew that strength hurt so much. It takes strength not to contact you. Pick up the phone, put it down, pick it up, put it down…it’s a vicious cycle of not reaching out to you. It pains to not talk to you, it hurts to think about you but stay strong I must. You feel entitled and I will not be the one to feed that monster. As I fight back tears I know I’ll be okay it just might not be at this very moment and that is fine. As I sit here with what many would call a cold I know what it is really. It’s my pain, pain is weakness leaving the body…you were my weakness and with time you will leave me, until then the strength hurts.